I am not over her yet, I am sad to say,
There are a few reasons, so let me convey,
What it is about her and a little more about why,
That she was my moon by night and by day my sky...
A playful persona created by her for me,
She had no clue of it I could see,
The way she was with others in the past,
May have just been why things did not last...
It took a little time to kiss her and then,
It took even more time to become lovers not just a friend,
But when we got there in that special place,
My intoxicating energy did make her heart race...
She had an attitude that was strikingly rude,
Playfully so, not at all trying to be crude,
Standoffish most of the time, but drawn to me I could still tell,
I sense that her secret is that I was not the only one who fell...
Head over heels is a place I have rarely been,
To be so out of control of my emotions seems like a personal sin,
She took things from me I did not even know I had to give,
I had no clue of the loss but as time passes I forgive...
I could not have her, this I knew from the start,
I was just simply me, not trying to play any part,
But she knew the power she had and in her youth she chose,
To push and pull me until the alpha male re-arose...
By then too late she had grown tired of the game,
That I could not make more interesting as my life was too lame,
The real me was of no interest, you see the grass is always assumed to be greener,
When boys pretend to be men, they fall in love once they had seen her...
I can never go back to the place we were then because,
Things can never be the same no matter how much time we take pause...
The memory like an 80's movie where the guy gets the girl,
Only to lose her in two different worlds which were awhirl,
Songs like a drug enter your memories in a flash,
The pain a sadness, but the memories we do not bash...
I may have said this, but I will say it once more,
One day in tight jeans she stood by my bedroom door,
I took a few photos knowing that soon she would be gone,
She was never mine, but without her I feel so alone...
No one ever had me, and maybe no one again ever will,
In such a state of happiness that like sadness I will often feel,
When I think of her, as I do more often than I ever thought I would,
She let me be near her, when I thought of a girl like her I never could...
One more thing I will mention, then I will let this post go,
She pushed me onto my bed and kissed me one time real slow,
It was her playful way of saying goodbye,
She knew our time was over and it did make her cry...
Magical our brains holding memory clips we play back,
Vivid those clips and of our emotions they attack,
Still delicious the pain I must admit,
Thats likely why my thinking of her may never quit...
A poem about her that may give others smiles, written with sadness and joy by Johnny Bryan Giles!
Monday, February 26, 2018
Saturday, June 10, 2017
I just saw her...
I just saw her, or so I thought,
Her blonde hair out of the corner of my eye I caught,
She looked sad and that is what I never wanted for her,
She was so gorgeous though, as if she never were...
I think of her almost every single day,
Remembering the only thing she wanted was for her hair for me to play,
I could not be the man for her that I was inside,
So all of my deepest feelings from her I had to hide...
Other influences played a role in me letting her go,
Circus clowns really and they don't even know,
She was mine though, even if only for a short while,
I am sure she remembers how easy it was for me to make her smile...
I never knew pain like that of losing her to someone else who,
May have drawn her in, but to her could never be true,
She had me like no other, that is for real,
So in this blog with no names I express how I feel...
I listen to music, the type we both liked and then,
I think thoughts of what if this way or that it could have been,
Laugh now those idiots who are stuck in a rut,
Pathetic their lives, on the edge of loss doors are shut...
I knew I would see her but had no idea it would be this soon,
The sun had just set and there was a bright glow to the moon,
The store was packed and she did not see me at all,
I set outside for one more look upon the baby girl who made me fall...
Its all good really, this too shall pass,
Half full already, my own personal glass,
I know before I ever start playing the game again,
No one will ever get to me like her and all from now will be just a friend...
At night sometimes I can feel her leg across me,
I sleep so peacefully dreaming of how that will be,
She thinks of me, I know this for sure,
My loss a disease of which there is no cure...
The last photo I took, her wearing jeans so tight,
I knew then it was the last I would ever get that very night,
Funny how you know things about the future like that,
I sit there and look, on the bed where I had sat...
She needed more than I could have given then,
No need for regret, no help from the absolute in the end,
I was on my own with that loss and I will never forget,
How she was mine for a short while, that gift she had let...
Her blonde hair out of the corner of my eye I caught,
She looked sad and that is what I never wanted for her,
She was so gorgeous though, as if she never were...
I think of her almost every single day,
Remembering the only thing she wanted was for her hair for me to play,
I could not be the man for her that I was inside,
So all of my deepest feelings from her I had to hide...
Other influences played a role in me letting her go,
Circus clowns really and they don't even know,
She was mine though, even if only for a short while,
I am sure she remembers how easy it was for me to make her smile...
I never knew pain like that of losing her to someone else who,
May have drawn her in, but to her could never be true,
She had me like no other, that is for real,
So in this blog with no names I express how I feel...
I listen to music, the type we both liked and then,
I think thoughts of what if this way or that it could have been,
Laugh now those idiots who are stuck in a rut,
Pathetic their lives, on the edge of loss doors are shut...
I knew I would see her but had no idea it would be this soon,
The sun had just set and there was a bright glow to the moon,
The store was packed and she did not see me at all,
I set outside for one more look upon the baby girl who made me fall...
Its all good really, this too shall pass,
Half full already, my own personal glass,
I know before I ever start playing the game again,
No one will ever get to me like her and all from now will be just a friend...
At night sometimes I can feel her leg across me,
I sleep so peacefully dreaming of how that will be,
She thinks of me, I know this for sure,
My loss a disease of which there is no cure...
The last photo I took, her wearing jeans so tight,
I knew then it was the last I would ever get that very night,
Funny how you know things about the future like that,
I sit there and look, on the bed where I had sat...
She needed more than I could have given then,
No need for regret, no help from the absolute in the end,
I was on my own with that loss and I will never forget,
How she was mine for a short while, that gift she had let...
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
After a little time...
...its been a little while now, seems like forever ago,
her affects on me are still very real but no one in my life will know,
she came into my life but she was never going to stay,
girls like her are intoxicating in that special way...
...damn the pain is delicious in a weird kind of sense, listening to music today my memories of her so very intense, she got to me, only a very few have ever done that, most shared their feelings in the past while there I just sat...
...it was bound to happen, you know what you put forth comes back, always multiplied from the Universe, good or bad, but never in lack, we create our own reality so I guess I needed her only for a while, as I reflect on her being with me all I can do is smile...
...life is never really lived until you have lost something you cannot replace, as we make time everyday for the desires of our hearts we do chase, we all likely want what we cannot seemingly have and now, instead of accepting that reality, we ponder and ponder as to how...
...a bath for the soul is when you break down and cry, something you would never do if you are an alpha male type of guy, but to cry in private and visualize what if scenarios about her, is the most delicious of pains, of at least for me there ever were...
...I want her so bad but I know this from within, we could never ever reconnect as having been lovers we could not just be friends, when I listen to the music we loved listening to together on our drives, I hope we share the same memories when we each reflect back on our lives...
...the journey to nowhere is the path most people take, my journey is however different as my path alone I choose to make, visions of a future where just a glimpse of her I will see, a better place for myself, where I am proud to now be...
...can you read between the lines of this poem I selectively share, or does the words not touch you because you have no reason to care, if it has not happened to you yet, the same thing may surely visit you, then we will share a bond like no other, telling stories of what we once knew...
...I would rather have fell hard for someone I had lost, than to have never had met her as that would have been a greater loss, I still remember looking at her when she was with me, knowing she would soon be gone and now to be just a memory!
Her Affect on Me is still so very real!
...damn the pain is delicious in a weird kind of sense, listening to music today my memories of her so very intense, she got to me, only a very few have ever done that, most shared their feelings in the past while there I just sat...
...it was bound to happen, you know what you put forth comes back, always multiplied from the Universe, good or bad, but never in lack, we create our own reality so I guess I needed her only for a while, as I reflect on her being with me all I can do is smile...
...life is never really lived until you have lost something you cannot replace, as we make time everyday for the desires of our hearts we do chase, we all likely want what we cannot seemingly have and now, instead of accepting that reality, we ponder and ponder as to how...
...a bath for the soul is when you break down and cry, something you would never do if you are an alpha male type of guy, but to cry in private and visualize what if scenarios about her, is the most delicious of pains, of at least for me there ever were...
...I want her so bad but I know this from within, we could never ever reconnect as having been lovers we could not just be friends, when I listen to the music we loved listening to together on our drives, I hope we share the same memories when we each reflect back on our lives...
...the journey to nowhere is the path most people take, my journey is however different as my path alone I choose to make, visions of a future where just a glimpse of her I will see, a better place for myself, where I am proud to now be...
...can you read between the lines of this poem I selectively share, or does the words not touch you because you have no reason to care, if it has not happened to you yet, the same thing may surely visit you, then we will share a bond like no other, telling stories of what we once knew...
...I would rather have fell hard for someone I had lost, than to have never had met her as that would have been a greater loss, I still remember looking at her when she was with me, knowing she would soon be gone and now to be just a memory!
Her Affect on Me is still so very real!
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Still...
Still...
I still think of her every single day, looking at her photos on my cell phone display, she got to me as I have said before, so sad of her I was unable to more deeply explore...
I knew that she was one of a kind, the kind of girl who could blow my mind, and she did this clearly with such ease, losing her feels like a really bad disease...
I ponder often what could of been, if she would have let me get past being her friend, and although we were lovers I know something few ever realize, like a daydreamer looking at a cloud in clear blue skies...
A sinking pleasure I acknowledge from deep inside, where secrets are kept that I intend to hide, as magical as an enchanting spell, her mystery is one reason I easily fell...
Not over her still, may never really be for real, not wanting to really truth be told, confessions here in words so bold...
Then I had an experience which has repeated over and over again, another laid with me like she laid with me and all I wanted to be was her friend, because I could not give her what was not there, oh man what is so wild is this is what she had to be thinking when time we did share...
Usually what you do comes back multiplied in some way, but this came to me as an experience after passed the day, so I realize for myself what I had with her, was what another had with me as seemingly it were...
Too deep really for most to catch the story, as we remember our past moments of glory, but for those who look between the lines they will see, a heart felt expression freely blogged by me...
This young girl, so awesome and so very fine, one who I really, really want to make all mine, could never give herself completely to me, so as a result all I could do is let her go free...
Memories like this will last the test of time, as I recall what took place between her and I in words of rhyme, her photos are now all that I have to feel, the residual energy she left behind that is so unreal...
To the SOULS I have hurt my apologies are sincere, to have another like her never as one thing I fear, is the devalue of those memories that may surely come, when my heart for her no longer beats like a drum...
I cannot let anyone again have me in that same place, where my heart beats non-stop and my mind does race, because we were on a train that was running out of track, as I could hardly think much less keenly react...
She still has me though, I wonder if she ever thinks of me or no, but I think of her day and night, as I recall the memories of my time with her as my thoughts take flight...
Still weak I admit and it is hard to do, but because of her I state what is very true, and because of the few kisses we shared that were so real, my heart in a blog I shamelessly let spill...
Read the previous posts that I wrote about her in this blog and think, would you have let yourself so deeply sink, into another who toyed with you for a short period of time and then, disappeared into the mist like a dream whose text would not even send...
I am not over her and I take all the blame, as I do not want to be over her what a shame, I love the pain that is like a cut that never heals, as pain is like truth, you never know what all it eventually reveals...
I still think of her every single day, looking at her photos on my cell phone display, she got to me as I have said before, so sad of her I was unable to more deeply explore...
I knew that she was one of a kind, the kind of girl who could blow my mind, and she did this clearly with such ease, losing her feels like a really bad disease...
I ponder often what could of been, if she would have let me get past being her friend, and although we were lovers I know something few ever realize, like a daydreamer looking at a cloud in clear blue skies...
A sinking pleasure I acknowledge from deep inside, where secrets are kept that I intend to hide, as magical as an enchanting spell, her mystery is one reason I easily fell...
Not over her still, may never really be for real, not wanting to really truth be told, confessions here in words so bold...
Then I had an experience which has repeated over and over again, another laid with me like she laid with me and all I wanted to be was her friend, because I could not give her what was not there, oh man what is so wild is this is what she had to be thinking when time we did share...
Usually what you do comes back multiplied in some way, but this came to me as an experience after passed the day, so I realize for myself what I had with her, was what another had with me as seemingly it were...
Too deep really for most to catch the story, as we remember our past moments of glory, but for those who look between the lines they will see, a heart felt expression freely blogged by me...
This young girl, so awesome and so very fine, one who I really, really want to make all mine, could never give herself completely to me, so as a result all I could do is let her go free...
Memories like this will last the test of time, as I recall what took place between her and I in words of rhyme, her photos are now all that I have to feel, the residual energy she left behind that is so unreal...
To the SOULS I have hurt my apologies are sincere, to have another like her never as one thing I fear, is the devalue of those memories that may surely come, when my heart for her no longer beats like a drum...
I cannot let anyone again have me in that same place, where my heart beats non-stop and my mind does race, because we were on a train that was running out of track, as I could hardly think much less keenly react...
She still has me though, I wonder if she ever thinks of me or no, but I think of her day and night, as I recall the memories of my time with her as my thoughts take flight...
Still weak I admit and it is hard to do, but because of her I state what is very true, and because of the few kisses we shared that were so real, my heart in a blog I shamelessly let spill...
Read the previous posts that I wrote about her in this blog and think, would you have let yourself so deeply sink, into another who toyed with you for a short period of time and then, disappeared into the mist like a dream whose text would not even send...
I am not over her and I take all the blame, as I do not want to be over her what a shame, I love the pain that is like a cut that never heals, as pain is like truth, you never know what all it eventually reveals...
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
She does not even know!
Its been a few weeks now since she told me goodbye, when we finally spoke by phone of this she was not even shy, but she does not really know how I actually feel, so I share more words in rhyme to explain how my heart she came to steal...
Yes I admit she was young, too young many had said, but then they never slept with her like me in my bed, they had never kissed her or held her hand and they never had a clue how smart she was as those things of my attention did land...
She dropped me so fast and disappeared without a trace, my mind ran wild with "why" as it did ponder and race, and I knew before her that there was no loyalty in youth, as I held my composure without reply as a matter of couth...
When I am in bed, sometimes I remember her there, she would snuggle close to me and want me to play with her hair, she did really like me or at the time so it did seem, but was that all fake, as it is almost like a dream...
Part of me lies and suggests there will never be another like her, but this lie is a lie because for like her others were, the lie continues because I have a gift from within, that intoxicates baby girls like her with my energy like no one with they have ever been...
The sadness still comes and hits my heart like a drum, falling for her I knew that my actions were so dumb, but being with her although short in the amount of time, was one of the most awesome experiences, I would even say it was sublime...
Does she think about me any at all, even if for me she never did fall, does she miss being with me even in secret not to tell, since no other she would have told even if she would have fell...
You can never again capture what has truly been lost, its best to let it go and to be at peace with it no matter the cost, the temptation just to see if you even could, revisit a past situation is still there but of not you really should...
She still has a part of me freely given in our dance, but does she even care, not likely any measure of chance, truly one person will fall as they always seem to do, and the other will not, so sad but so very true...
From my soul to hers I will not bother you as you will see, I wish you great happiness even if it is not with me, I want for you what you want for you and nothing more, so have fun with the other souls that you choose to explore...
I am using this blog to express openly what I feel inside, so strong are my emotions that of them I cannot hide, so deep her impact on me that even in my loss I smile, as her energy will still affect me, it will do so for a long while...
As a master I never use magic to force what cannot naturally be, unless a force of action without a negative result is created so free, and my use of the magic is pure, it is clean and not dark, as my light shines for others who with great vision can see my small spark!
Yes I admit she was young, too young many had said, but then they never slept with her like me in my bed, they had never kissed her or held her hand and they never had a clue how smart she was as those things of my attention did land...
She dropped me so fast and disappeared without a trace, my mind ran wild with "why" as it did ponder and race, and I knew before her that there was no loyalty in youth, as I held my composure without reply as a matter of couth...
When I am in bed, sometimes I remember her there, she would snuggle close to me and want me to play with her hair, she did really like me or at the time so it did seem, but was that all fake, as it is almost like a dream...
Part of me lies and suggests there will never be another like her, but this lie is a lie because for like her others were, the lie continues because I have a gift from within, that intoxicates baby girls like her with my energy like no one with they have ever been...
The sadness still comes and hits my heart like a drum, falling for her I knew that my actions were so dumb, but being with her although short in the amount of time, was one of the most awesome experiences, I would even say it was sublime...
Does she think about me any at all, even if for me she never did fall, does she miss being with me even in secret not to tell, since no other she would have told even if she would have fell...
You can never again capture what has truly been lost, its best to let it go and to be at peace with it no matter the cost, the temptation just to see if you even could, revisit a past situation is still there but of not you really should...
She still has a part of me freely given in our dance, but does she even care, not likely any measure of chance, truly one person will fall as they always seem to do, and the other will not, so sad but so very true...
From my soul to hers I will not bother you as you will see, I wish you great happiness even if it is not with me, I want for you what you want for you and nothing more, so have fun with the other souls that you choose to explore...
I am using this blog to express openly what I feel inside, so strong are my emotions that of them I cannot hide, so deep her impact on me that even in my loss I smile, as her energy will still affect me, it will do so for a long while...
As a master I never use magic to force what cannot naturally be, unless a force of action without a negative result is created so free, and my use of the magic is pure, it is clean and not dark, as my light shines for others who with great vision can see my small spark!
Saturday, October 29, 2016
I let her go!
I broke down around 4am called her and, she swiped the phone to reject the call by her own hand, so I text her to let her know I had left a voice mail on her phone, she likely could care less since any care about me was for her already gone...
That day I prayed and asked for peace of mind, even talking to her Soul asking her to be kind, as I needed closure so very bad, tired of not sleeping and of being so sad...
So once again a little after 4pm I called her to say, that I needed to hear her voice and to get closure some kind of way, she called me back and acted like nothing was wrong, no excuse from her as to why she had not spoken to me in so long...
I could tell in her voice she was done with me but not mad, I told her that I enjoyed the time with her that I had, I told her I would not bother her anymore and thanks for taking my call, she said I was no bother to her, no bother at all...
I recognized her cold nature because in the past I had been, cold to other girls who needed me to be more than their friend, she had done me like I had done them in the past, escape from our own karma really never seems to last...
I let her go and she will never hear from me anymore, I have navigated the pain with her just before, I called her for closure which she gladly gave me, now I am at peace and my mind is completely free...
To dump someone you do not really like is usually done cold, one side has no story the other side has a story that need to be told, one side could care less about how the other side feels, the other side cannot sleep and their mind races and reels...
My time with her was too short but then, I will never ever place myself in this situation again, no one will get to me like I allowed her to do, this is my promise to myself and I promise it is true...
Laying in bed the things I thought about were this, its the things she said to me that I will never miss, she was not really good to me, in fact she was a little bitch, in seeking out a hot girl who was bad seems to scratch my own itch...
Clarity comes from living a lie, when the truth is then seen by the girl or the guy, experiencing both sides of a story like I have just told, will pass given time and will soon become old...
Her scars left on me will never go away, one scar more telling in secret is where it will stay, the other scars will heal and most scars usually do, but I am an older guy and she is very young and new...
In the first three stories on this blog with this being the last, two players in the dance were the only two members of the cast, so if I tell a new story it will likely be about someone other than her, not sure about that really as who knows what may occur!
That day I prayed and asked for peace of mind, even talking to her Soul asking her to be kind, as I needed closure so very bad, tired of not sleeping and of being so sad...
So once again a little after 4pm I called her to say, that I needed to hear her voice and to get closure some kind of way, she called me back and acted like nothing was wrong, no excuse from her as to why she had not spoken to me in so long...
I could tell in her voice she was done with me but not mad, I told her that I enjoyed the time with her that I had, I told her I would not bother her anymore and thanks for taking my call, she said I was no bother to her, no bother at all...
I recognized her cold nature because in the past I had been, cold to other girls who needed me to be more than their friend, she had done me like I had done them in the past, escape from our own karma really never seems to last...
I let her go and she will never hear from me anymore, I have navigated the pain with her just before, I called her for closure which she gladly gave me, now I am at peace and my mind is completely free...
To dump someone you do not really like is usually done cold, one side has no story the other side has a story that need to be told, one side could care less about how the other side feels, the other side cannot sleep and their mind races and reels...
My time with her was too short but then, I will never ever place myself in this situation again, no one will get to me like I allowed her to do, this is my promise to myself and I promise it is true...
Laying in bed the things I thought about were this, its the things she said to me that I will never miss, she was not really good to me, in fact she was a little bitch, in seeking out a hot girl who was bad seems to scratch my own itch...
Clarity comes from living a lie, when the truth is then seen by the girl or the guy, experiencing both sides of a story like I have just told, will pass given time and will soon become old...
Her scars left on me will never go away, one scar more telling in secret is where it will stay, the other scars will heal and most scars usually do, but I am an older guy and she is very young and new...
In the first three stories on this blog with this being the last, two players in the dance were the only two members of the cast, so if I tell a new story it will likely be about someone other than her, not sure about that really as who knows what may occur!
Monday, October 24, 2016
After 7 Days
The last time we met, a brief meeting and a drive, I had felt for sometime that our relationship would not survive, But I kept trying and wishing for the best, Now 7 days have gone by, so is this a test...
Damn I cannot sleep, I toss and I turn, Thoughts of my baby girl not being mine makes my heart intensely burn, I know I have lost her and I am so very sad, not one single word from her in 7 days and that has got too be bad...
Yes I could call her and yes I could text, She rarely reads email so not sure what to do next, At this point there is no excuse only assumptions that flow through my mind, Some other guy has her interests now, thinking otherwise would make me blind...
I was thinking today as I took a long drive, Not hard at all for the conclusions that I did keenly arrive, She really was never mine and this is a clear fact, Even though we danced the part of dating as it was only a temporary act...
Things can never ever go back to what could have been, Like I said before there is no way I could just be her friend, She has moved on otherwise she would have called to say, That she had been thinking about me at least once during the day...
Silly me the joke I have to own, Is on me for real as no interest by her was shown, In 7 days really, was I that meaningless to her, Thoughts of what if scenarios as my mind is a-stir...
Looking in the mirror this is what I see, A man who is what he is not because of what he will soon be, She lives in the now and a future date could never appeal, To a dream of the future where her heart he could then steal...
I have rarely been affected in this kind of way, As I would always be in control of the games in the past I would play, But she had control of me from the start, This is a great loss to me as we have drifted apart...
I may just have to let this challenge go, I am not in the place that soon I will be I know, and since she has lost interest over the last 7 days, I will let her go for now, she has gone anyways!
Damn I cannot sleep, I toss and I turn, Thoughts of my baby girl not being mine makes my heart intensely burn, I know I have lost her and I am so very sad, not one single word from her in 7 days and that has got too be bad...
Yes I could call her and yes I could text, She rarely reads email so not sure what to do next, At this point there is no excuse only assumptions that flow through my mind, Some other guy has her interests now, thinking otherwise would make me blind...
I was thinking today as I took a long drive, Not hard at all for the conclusions that I did keenly arrive, She really was never mine and this is a clear fact, Even though we danced the part of dating as it was only a temporary act...
Things can never ever go back to what could have been, Like I said before there is no way I could just be her friend, She has moved on otherwise she would have called to say, That she had been thinking about me at least once during the day...
Silly me the joke I have to own, Is on me for real as no interest by her was shown, In 7 days really, was I that meaningless to her, Thoughts of what if scenarios as my mind is a-stir...
Looking in the mirror this is what I see, A man who is what he is not because of what he will soon be, She lives in the now and a future date could never appeal, To a dream of the future where her heart he could then steal...
I have rarely been affected in this kind of way, As I would always be in control of the games in the past I would play, But she had control of me from the start, This is a great loss to me as we have drifted apart...
I may just have to let this challenge go, I am not in the place that soon I will be I know, and since she has lost interest over the last 7 days, I will let her go for now, she has gone anyways!
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